My theme song
(Psst..I know you guys probably want to hear about The Today Show and what Lester Holt smells like. I will write about it soon, but I have a job and a sleep schedule to attend to, so please enjoy this pre-written entry for now.)
Ten years ago I was lying in bed at summer camp when a floormate walked into the room. This wasn't unusual because my roommate and I kept the door open and somehow a spontaneous bubble of popularity had formed over our room, a bubble I would never have been able to create if I tried.
"Do you have any CDs?" she asked.
"Yeah, over there," I replied. "Why?"
"I need to find my theme song." Her group had been assigned a task to pick a song that represented who they were. This was 1997 and MP3s hadn't even been invented yet, so she was limited to the handful of CDs and cassettes (I'm so old) her peers had brought with them. I don't know what song she ultimately picked, but the idea of a personal theme song has stuck with me over the years.
If you'd asked me 5 or 6 years ago what my theme song was, I'd have said "In Hiding
You'll find me
forever in hiding
and only time will tell
what it's done to me
I've tried to show
god only knows to grow
but music hides me so well
and reveals me
Oh well
You can find me in hiding
I spent a lot of my life in hiding, hiding behind my hair, hiding behind my fat. I've always been introverted (and I still am), and it's still hard for me to strike up conversations with strangers, but I don't feel like I'm in hiding anymore. The blog has helped a lot with that.
These days I'd say my theme song is "Come A Long Way" by Michelle Shocked from the album Arkansas Traveler
I've come a long way
I've come a long way
I've gone 500 miles today
I've come a long way
I've come a long way
And never even left L.A.
The song is about someone who steals back her motorcycle from a repo man and goes driving around LA all day. Eventually she trashes it and says:
Now you tow it to the repo man's front door,
And you give him these keys, I don't need them no more
Granted, I've never even been to L.A., so I've never driven around it or left it or trashed a motorcycle there. But I think the song is really about self discovery and how you can travel very far without ever leaving yourself. I'm also plenty sure I've gone more than 500 miles in the past several years.
So that's my theme song. What's yours?
Bookmark Entry | Permalink | Comments (6)Posted by PastaQueen on May 13, 2008 at 7:45 AM | Tags: happy rhodes, michelle shocked, music, theme song
Today's entry about yesterday's Today
Thanks to the NBC tech monkeys, you can watch my appearance on The Today Show here. If you are a new reader, thanks for stopping by! You may like to read some of my best entries here and check out my product recommendations here if you're looking for tools to start your weight loss journey.
Thank you to everyone who has left comments and sent me emails about my appearance! However, those of you who have complimented my hair and make up should redirect your accolades to Joel and Hair-Guy-Who's-Name-I-Didn't-Catch who made me look more fabulous than I shall ever look again.
I shall write more about my New York adventure soon, and, oh yeah, get back to blogging about health and fitness too. Just as soon as I take a long, long, nap.
Bookmark Entry | Permalink | Comments (49)Posted by PastaQueen on May 12, 2008 at 2:50 PM | Tags: book, interview, media, today show
The best wedding reception I never had a.k.a. my book release party
After running 13.1 miles in a half-marathon, I bet most people hobble home and collapse on the couch or a bathtub full of ice. I decided to hobble home and then hobble back downtown to PAR-TAY! It was somewhat difficult marching up the spiral staircase to the dining room at The Milano Inn where I was holding my book release party, but I made it to the top without tripping or without anyone looking up my skirt...I think.
I've never thrown a party before in my life. Even my childhood birthday parties were hosted by my mom, who bought the cake and ice cream and whisked my hair out of the candle flames before my head was set on fire. Since she'd proven herself so well in the past, I put her in charge of organizing this brouhaha. Thanks, Mom! There are a lot of questions that go into planning a party, like, where do we hold it? Do we serve food? How many people are going to come? Why am I so stressed out planning an event that is supposed to be fun? Little did I need to worry though, because I had a fantastic time, which is why combined with finishing a half-marathon earlier that day, I considered it to be one of the best days of my life.
My cousins Allison and Adrienne and my Aunt Elaine helped me and my mom set up the room. As people started to trickle in, I greeted them and started signing books. One of the cool things about having a book published is that you get to write in other people's books and it's not considered vandalism.
To keep the guests entertained as people kept arriving, we introduced the "Lick the Produce" quiz. I printed out images of all the fruits and vegetables I've tried in the Lick the Produce series over the past year and made people fill out surveys guessing what they were. Nicole helped us out by doing a lovely Vanna White impression.
It wasn't done just for fun though, it was done for free pasta! Since I'm the PastaQueen, I decided I needed to bestow my bounty upon the winner. Ari over at FiberGourmet donated a lovely gift basket that we gave away to Nancy, who got the most correct answers with 11 out of 28. (It was a hard quiz!) Here's a picture of me and my mom (the PastaQueen Mother?) with the basket.
As you'll notice, I am holding a Spaghetti Scepter, lovingly handcrafted by my Aunt Donna from a pasta server, ribbon, sparkly jewels, and lots of hot glue. She surprised me by spending the night making them as party favors. Thanks, Donna!
Next up I read the "Trail Mix" chapter in my book in honor of Indianapolis since it takes place on our local nature trail. I tried not to talk to fast and to project my voice. I hadn't read the chapter for a couple months, so as I was reading I was also scanning slightly ahead so I wouldn't trip over the words. My heart stopped a little when I saw that the word "bastard" was coming up and glanced at my mom's church friends in the corner of the room. Oh, well! If they were okay with a book titled Half-Assed hopefully they weren't offended by my potty mouth.
After that I did a Q&A. At the end my mom just happened to ask what I would be doing this weekend and I made my big Today Show announcement. After that we ate and I got to talk to my friends and meet several of my readers. It's so awesome to meet people in person and finally put faces to IP addresses. It's odd, but I would probably recognize a lot of you more by your email addresses than your actual names. I was a little worried that I might be crashing somebody's diet by serving spaghetti and meatballs and fettucini alfredo and lasagna, but Lord knows I needed the carbs after all the running around I'd done that day.
Amy and Nicole took a picture with my cover signs, pretending they were standing in my fat pants too. I stole a couple of their pics for this post and Allison sent me the rest. Thanks for the photos, guys!
And then people started to trickle out and the party was over. My Aunt Elaine and cousin Allison posed me for several pictures, making it truly like the wedding reception I never had. Instead of stuffing cake into some guys face, I held up my Spaghetti Scepter next to my book sign. For several hours I was transported to a parallel dream world where I had no problems, everyone was happy for me, and there was lots of pasta. The happiness just glowed outwards and I had a great time, even though my feet were battered from running and started to hurt in my heels.
Then I went home and slept for nine bazillion years.
Thank you to everyone who attended! I hope you had a good time too. Special thanks to my mom, Donna, Elaine, Adrienne and Allison for all their work and planning. Thanks to my publisher for the signs and their other support. And kudos to our server Barb who cracked me up and truly earned her tips by walking up and down the stairs from the kitchen to our dining room.
Maybe we can do this again some time.
Posted by PastaQueen on May 9, 2008 at 11:23 AM | Tags: book, book release party, fiber gourmet, lick the produce section, pasta
TiVo alert a.k.a. why I'm flying to New York this weekend
I answered my cell phone and the woman on the other line said, "Oh my God, you're in the TiVo."
"I know!" I exclaimed to my Aunt E. "Isn't it crazy?" If you've got your TiVo remote handy, you can use it to search for The Today Show and set it to record the Sunday morning Mother's Day show on May 11th. (ETA: Local air times vary. Check your listings.) I'll be promoting my book and wearing an outfit that hopefully makes me look very slim. I'm set to appear on the same episode as Susan Sarandon. Do you think she'll sing Rocky Horror songs with me in the green room?
My appearance has been planned for over a week, but I've been afraid to mention it for fear that it might not actually happen. God knows I could still get bumped if terrorists blow up the Brooklyn Bridge that day. And there's still a paranoid part of me that wonders if I'll get to the studio and they'll decide I'm too fat to go on TV. TV anchors are such teeny, tiny people in real life that I'm sure I'm going to look huge in comparison. However, now that travel arrangements have been made and I've sent them lots of photos, I feel like this might actually be happening. That, and my name is now appearing in common household electronics, as if my spirit is haunting the blender.
I don't know yet who will be interviewing me, though it will probably be Jenna Wolf or Lester Holt. I wanted to thank everybody who's been involved in making this happen and scheduling my plans. (They know who they are.) I feel very lucky to get an opportunity for national exposure like this and I'll try to do you all proud. At the very least I'll try not to trip over the camera wires.
If you were at my book release party this weekend, I broke the news to you first. Speaking of which, I will try to write a post about the party this week (as soon as I give up sleep and sort through the photos).
The funniest thing though is that when I pulled up the listing on my mom's TiVo, there was a bit of an optical illusion due to the font selection and how close the letters were together. So instead of looking like "Jennette Fulda" it looks like someone named "Jennette Fukla" is scheduled to appear. I don't know who this Fukla chick is, but she better not steal my thunder.
Thanks in advance for all your good wishes!
Posted by PastaQueen on May 7, 2008 at 9:38 AM | Tags: book, susan sarandon, today show, tv
Autographed books available!
Get your personally signed copy of Half-Assed: A Weight-Loss Memoir, lovingly autographed by the author herself, for the list price of $15.95 + shipping and handling (I WILL ship internationally). Buy your copy here.
You may also include the name you want me to sign the book to and a message you wish for me to include. I reserve the right to reject any messages I don't want to sign, so requesting something like, "I'll never forget our wild night in Vegas" isn't going to happen. Thank you in advance for your support!
Bookmark Entry | Permalink | Comments (19)Posted by PastaQueen on May 6, 2008 at 10:21 AM | Tags: autographed, book
Half-Assed blog book tour
I'm going on tour - a blog tour. For the next three weeks, I'll be making stops every week day at different locations in the blogosphere to talk about my book
We're kicking it off today with the woman who helped get this whole book thing rolling, Kalyn Denny of Kalyn's Kitchen. Here is a schedule of the rest of my stops, which I will update with direct links to the posts as they go live. It should be lots of fun, so I hope everyone will check it out!
Monday, May 5: Kalyn's Kitchen
Tuesday, May 6: CalorieLab (interview)
Wednesday, May 7: Life of L
Thursday, May 8: Big Fat Deal
Friday, May 9: Cranky Fitness
Monday, May 12: DietGirl
Tuesday, May 13: Diet Blog (guest post)
Wednesday, May 14: Elastic Waist (interview)
Thursday, May 15: Livin' La Vida Low Carb
Friday, May 16: Back in Skinny Jeans
Monday, May 19: Manic Mommy (book giveaway!)
Tuesday, May 20: CalorieLab (review)
Wednesday, May 21: Elastic Waist (guest on video show The Daily Special)
Thursday, May 22: The Skinny at the Florida Sun-Sentinel
Friday, May 23: Roni's Weight Watchen Page
Monday, May 26: The Diet Naked Blog formerly "The Amazing Shrinking Mom" (book giveaway!)
I also wanted to thank the following blogs for posting reviews before I got my act together to schedule the blog tour.
April 10 - In My Heels
April 24 - Morgan Gets Thin
April 26 - Yet Another Weight Watcher's Blog
And if you've posted a review, interview, revealing photos of me and want to be listed in this post, e-mail me and I'll include a link. Except if you posted revealing photos, in which case I'll send you a cease and desist letter.
Bookmark Entry | Permalink | Comments (10)Posted by PastaQueen on May 5, 2008 at 10:06 AM | Tags: blog tour, book, half-assed, reviews
My first half-marathon: What, no bagels?
Yesterday was one of the top ten best days of my life, which is an odd thing to say about any day I wake up at 5:30am.
My mom and I drove downtown and parked in my office's parking garage, which is conveniently located 4-5 blocks away from the starting line. Thus we avoided any parking nightmares and I felt slightly better about the monthly garage fee they take out of my pay check every month. I felt chilly in my long-sleeved shirt and sweater as we walked towards the starting corral. The sun was still rising, but from what I could see the weather appeared gloomy, though thankfully it wasn't raining. Thunderstorms had whipped through town the night before and there were still some puddles in the road.
As we got closer and closer to the starting corrals we encountered more and more people. It felt like I was in the movie Close Encounters of the Third Kind where everyone is inexplicable drawn to the mountain at the end of the film. I was one of thousands of people converging on a couple blocks of downtown Indianapolis for a shared, unspoken reason. 35,000 people run the half-marathon, so to prevent congestion they divide us into starting corrals from A-Z based on our estimated finishing time. I was in S. As my mom and I sat on the blockades, we read people's bibs and occasionally I would whisper to her, "Look! That person is a B!" as though I'd just seen a celebrity. I only saw one A and I felt like I should kiss his running shoes in tribute to his superior athletic skill.
About 15 minutes before the gun time, I got into my corral. This is when I started to feel a little self-conscious about the sign I'd taped to my back.
I figured there were 35,000 people in this race, and most of them would be passing me, so I might as well use my back to promote my book. I felt a bit silly about it, but I figured I wouldn't have to make eye-contact with anyone who read it, saving me some embarrassment. I checked my phone and saw I'd missed a call from Laura, another blogger running the race, and called her back, but we weren't able to find each other before the race started. Sorry, Laura!
At 7:30, the race started! It looked like this:
Can't you smell the excitement? As I said, I was in the S corral, meaning thousands of people in the A-R corrals were ahead of me. So, we waited.
And we waited.
Someone threw a beach ball into the crowd which we bounced around. Slowly we started walking in fits and stops to the starting line two blocks ahead of us. As we got within 100 yards of the starting line, people started walking faster, then we were jogging, and then 18 minutes and 15 seconds later I was crossing the starting line thinking, "Oh, hey, I'm running a half-marathon. How weird." Then I did some mental math and tried not to be discouraged by the fact that the elite runners were already past mile 3 by now.
The race course was very similar to the training series course, except for the pit stops where the asphalt road could barely be seen beneath the trampled paper cups. At first I tried tossing my cup into the trash cans, but they were overflowing by the time us slower runners passed by, so I settled for aiming for the gutter instead. I had brought my headphones and MP3 player along, but was surprised to find I didn't need them because so much was happening. There were good cover bands and bad cover bands and bagpipes and cloggers and square dancers all along the route. I wouldn't even be able to plot out the race course on a map because I wasn't paying attention to the street signs. I just followed everybody else. There were time clocks at each mile marker, so I kept checking my pace bracelet as we ran, mentally trying to add 18 minutes to the time. Mental math is hard when you're running a mini-marathon.
Near mile 6, I started to think about walking. I kept running anyway. Then we came upon the Indianapolis Motor Speedway. As part of the race, the runners do a lap around the Speedway, though I was only going about 2% as fast as the racecars. We ran down a steep ramp to enter the stadium. Awesome! So fast and so easy. Then we had to run up a steep ramp to get on the track. Not awesome! So slow and so hard.
It was at this point that I realized the weather was freaking gorgeous. The sun was shining bright, a cool breeze came across the infield, and I was actually a bit hot. I couldn't believe I'd thought about wearing my fleece vest this morning. Suddenly all those people in shorts and tank tops that I'd laughed at in the morning cold seemed a lot smarter than me. I rolled up my long-sleeved shirt and kept running around the track.
And kept running around the track.
And kept running around the track some more.
The Indianapolis Motor Speedway is evidently two and a half miles long, as I now know very well. After we exited the speedway, we passed a family sitting on lawn chairs in their front lawn drinking beer and watching us run by. After I passed through a Gatorade station, my feet started sticking to the pavement. Oh no, how many seconds was that taking off of my time?
At mile 10, I decided I needed the cheesy techno. I put on my headphones and it was only a dance remix of Bryan Adams singing "Run to You" that got me through the next mile. I started wishing the pit stops would come closer and closer together so I'd have a good excuse to slow down and walk. Someone ran past wearing a shirt that said "Are we there yet?" Good question.
Somewhere before the 12 mile marker I slowed down to walk for a minute. Then I started running again. As we got within a mile of the finish line the signs started telling us how much farther we had to go. 1 mile left. 3/4 of a mile left. At 1/2 mile left I stopped to walk. My lower abs were aching and my toes were starting to hurt.
As we approached the 1/4 mile left sign, I could finally see the finish line. I started running again. A woman on the sidelines yelled, "Go, Jennette!" While I know she just read my name off my bib and had no idea who I was, it was very encouraging. Some people next to me actually started to sprint to the finish line. Jerks. I would have tripped them if I wasn't so damn exhausted. As I kept running and running, the finish line came closer and closer. It was very unexpected. For the last leg of the race in my training series runs we had to turn a corner and then turn a corner and then turn another corner and BAM! there was the finish line. Now I could actually see the end heading straight towards me.
And then I crossed the finish line. I couldn't believe it was over. No, really, I didn't quite believe that it was okay to stop running. For the last three miles I felt like I'd be running forever, that the rest of my life would be spent drudging along, trying to finish an endless race. I imagined that decades from now my relatives would be driving past 10th street, see me and shake their heads sadly as I plodded along trying to finish that damn mini-marathon. "Keep going, keep going, keep going," I had told myself and now I got to say, "Okay, stop." It made the race suddenly seem much shorter. A 13.1 mile race is much shorter than an endless race.
I threw my hands up victoriously for the photographer, though I was so tired my palms probably didn't reach above my head. My official time was 2 hours, 33 minutes, 26 seconds. Then I got lots of free stuff that only cost me $50.00 in registration fees. At the recovery area I grabbed a banana, apple, potato chips and a rather dry, chocolate chip cookie. But no bagels! What was this? All the training series runs had bagels afterwards, but suddenly there were no cinnamon crunch or French toast bagels in sight. Where were you when I needed you, Panera?
People sometimes joke about hobbling after runs, but I literally did hobble to the family reunion area to get a big hug from my mother.
"I'm so proud of you," she said.
"Thanks. Can I lean on you?" I replied. And then I did. I leaned on her for a whole minute before I felt strong enough to stand up again. Someone must have rearranged the layout of the city in that time because suddenly the parking garage was a lot farther away. Even today, my quads are sore, my toes are sore, my shoulders are sore, and if I breathe in really deeply my lungs are sore.
Before I left, I was standing in line to get my picture taken with my shiny finisher's medal and I heard a girl in line behind me say, "That's so awesome." While she might have been referring to her chocolate chip cookie, I think she was referring to the sign on my back with my book cover which said, "I lost half my weight, now I'm running a half-marathon. I hope this idea isn't half-baked!" Her comment made me smile a little bit, because while I'm mostly a humble person, it is pretty awesome isn't it? I really did lose half my weight. And I really did just run a half-marathon. When my mom and I returned to the parking garage, she said there were a lot of things she'd thought I do in life, but never this. "I never thought I'd have an athlete in the family." And we didn't even have to adopt the illegitimate child of an NBA superstar to do it. It's me.
Then we stopped at a bakery and I stood in line, sweaty and gross in my full running gear, to buy a huge cinnamon roll. Because seriously, no bagels?
Posted by PastaQueen on May 4, 2008 at 3:34 PM | Tags: half-marathon, indy 500 festival, mini-marathon, running
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